So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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