LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
