the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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