shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he thought i was a dude.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize