she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
