There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
