Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
