Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
