the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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