Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
