even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize