How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
