I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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