Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
