Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
