I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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