I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
