She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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