Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
