Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
