My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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