cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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