I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My cat gives me a boner
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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