she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
