I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
