if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
