didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
