It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
