I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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