if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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