so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
