the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize