I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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