id be glad to
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
