Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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