I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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