Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
