My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
