Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
