Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
