If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
