I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
