Kiss
Puke
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
