I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My vagina is officially offended.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
