Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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