Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
