if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
