I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
