Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
