i jhust puked up my retainher.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
