So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize