He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
