I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
