apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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