I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
