I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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