OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
