Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
