This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
