I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
