can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize