I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
