I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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