if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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