i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so let's talk penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
