I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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