my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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