Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
