I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
