I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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