i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
