I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
