Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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