What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
