Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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