i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
