I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
