i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
