What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
