do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
