I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
